The Nerd Chronicles
by Scar13tt-Ivy
Summary: meh.
1. Pilot

1. Pilot

Theme plays then leads to corny action movie intro saying: "In a world...where classes finally ended...Where jeans were getting shorter...and the spring turned into summer...there were three nerds..." followed by mug shots of each character then fades to real life video of gaming in a dark room, until Bird's because Bird is standing behind everyone with her arms crossed.

Bird: "Demeeeeetriiiiii!"

Demetri: *ignores bird*

Kat: *not looking up* "His names not Demetri its Bob."

Bird: *crosses to curtains, throws them open. Sunlight floods in.*

Kat: *hisses and hides under bed covers*

Demetri:*throws arm what* "Dude, what the hell are you doing?"

Bird: "You guys need to go outside"

Demetri: "make us"

Bird: "ok" *grabs Demetri's arm and drags him outside*

Midway outside

Demetri: "hey Bird..."

Bird: "yes?"

Demetri: "you do realise Kat's still inside hiding under a blanket right"

Bird: Demetri!

Demetri: What?

Kat: *pops head out from doorway* "His name's not Demetri, its Bob!" *pops back inside quickly*

Bird: "I'll be right back." *runs in to get Kat*

Demetri: "well this'll be interesting..."

SCENE 2

Bird:*grunts* "C'mon... Kat... Pleaaaseee."

Kat:*fighting, pulling away, clinging to door post* "NOOOOO!"

Bird: "Kat, you need fresh air..."

Kat: "I know not of this 'fresh air' thing you speak of, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't have a slayer mode... Put me down!"

Bird:*finally pulls Kat outside* "see, its beautiful out"

Kat:*Crosses arm, scowl and mutters* "if you do that... One more time... I will strangle you in your sleep with your own hair"

Bird: "Don't you think you're over reacting Kat?"

Kat: "nope" *smirks then flops down on the ground*

SCENE 3

Bird: "Let's play a game! What do you guys wanna play?"

Kat: "Halo."

Demetri: "Saint's Row."

Kat: "Assassin's Creed..."

Bird: *frustration* "Not that kind of game. A fun one, like..."

Kat: "Laser tag?"

Demetri: "you do that; I'm gunna take a nap." *lays on the grass and ignores everyone*

Bird: *pulls little laser pointer out of pocket and shines red dot around*

Kat: *cheers up and chases red dot around like, well, a cat*

Fake News Scene

Bird: "welcome to derp news, I'm IrmaGerd, now to Catty Kattinson with the latest roving news report."

Kat: "First off, really? Catty Kattinson? That the best you can do?"

Bird: "Get on with the report Catty."

Kat: "Fine."

Bird: "Good. So Catty what's it like out there?"

Kat: "IRMA! Get me outta here; there are zombies, zombies everywhere! We're all gunna die..." *breaks down* "and now to Demetri for weather."

Demetri: "It gonna rain. Irma."

Bird: "Breaking news! A man was seen Gangnam Styling on a rooftop over GlenRock. He was so bad that he was tazed by the entire GlenRock police department."

All in unison: "Gordon."

SCENE 3 Continued

Kat: *still chasing dot, getting angry*

Bird: "hahaha you're so cute!"

Kat: *frustrated, runs at Bird trying the get the laser,"

Bird: "No, no, no, you need the exercise."

Kat: "Gimme the freaking laser or so help I'll..."

Demetri: *sits up* "why are you yelling? Shut up!"

Bird: *turns head* "we're not being that loud, we're just-OUCH! Kat..."

Kat: *Bites Bird's hand, grab the laser and grins* "I win."

Demetri: *laughing at Bird's misfortune*

Bird: "Kat, no! Bad girl, no biti...Awh..."

Kat: *kitten eyes and purring to get her way*

Bird: *Hugs Kat, petting her hair*

SCENE 4

Bird pulls Kat by the hand and Kat drags Demetri by the arm. Bird leads them towards the forest.

Demetri: "Where are we going?"

Kat: "Kid's kingdom... we're going to the forest Bob, don't be an idiot."

Bird: "no need to be snippy, Kat be nice. Ahh look at these trees and the beautiful nature path..."

Demetri: "Not to mention the dog crap..."

Kat: "No need to be snippy Bob." *sulks*

Bird: "C'mon you two," *Walks on ahead*

Kat and Demetri turn to each other and nod then turn running into the forest in opposite directions.

SCENE Derpshert

Bird is walking down the path, oblivious to the fact she is alone. She turns around and calls out for her friends.

Bird: "Demeeeeetriiiiii? Kittykat? Anyone? Hello?"

Cam goes to Kat and Demetri as they pull their face masks down and run then goes to bird as she sees strangers running towards her as she screams in horror as the 3 ninjas surround her

Bird: "get off, get off! Leave me alone!"

Kat: "nah"

There is a struggle.

Kat: "okay I'm bored again, c'mon Bob." *Kat pulls off mask"

Demetri: "Fine" *pulls off mask*

Bird: "wait. So if that's bird, and that's Demetri...then who is that?"

Kat: *pulls of the ninja's mask* "Ugh its you, ice-cream man."

He pulls mask back down and runs back into the woods

Bird: "That was weird"

Demetri: "Yeah...Really weird"

Kat: "who wants ice-cream" *holds up ice-cream tub and spoons*

Bird and Demetri: "me!"

The 3 sit and discuss happenings and try to find moral in the story.

Bird: "Well. I guess the moral of the story is: Ice –cream makes ninja attacks better"

Demetri: "I thought it was: being a ninja is cool"

Kat: "personally I think its don't make Kat do something she doesn't want to do"

Bird: "That is definitely one of them" *holds bandaged finger*

Demetri: "Yeah I think that's probably the closest we'll get to an actual moral."

Kat: "So does that mean I get to stay inside for the rest of the summer?"

Bird: "Oh goodness no. I'll just wear protective gloves."

Kat: "Oh no y..."

Demetri: "we've gotten this far. Let's just figure out how to end this episode."

Kat: "well we could shoot Bird."

Bird: "Or... We could sit facing away from the camera with our heads turn our heads over the left shoulder."

Kat: "Fine. Baby..."

Demetri: "be a good kitty cat" *pats head then all do head turn thing*

Episode ends and credits roll


	2. Belly Flop

2. Belly Flop

Theme plays then leads to the nerds dealing with heat with corny action movie voice-over saying: "In a world... where warmth became blistering heat ...Where shorts turned into bathing suits...and the only cure water...the nerds were melting..."

Bird: "Demeeeeetriiiiii! Pass me that ice tea please."

Demetri: "Here you go. Hey, poke Kat to make sure she's still alive under there"

Bird: "Kat? You ok sweetie?"

Kat: "Don't call me sweetie, it is banned under penalty of death."

Demetri: "She's fine."

Kat: "No I'm not. It's too freaking HOT! Fix it Joel..."

Bird: "Hey, let's have a water party! That'll cool us down!"

Demetri: "I'm game, but we need water fights."

Kat: "Do I have to wear a bikini? 'Cuz... I've not got a swimsuit."

Bird: "In that case yes, you have to. Well find you one."

Kat: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Demetri: "Lets get set up. Do your stuff Birdie."

Bird: *giggles* "Will do Demetri. C'mon Kat, lets get pretty."

Kat: "You are this close to me shoving my foot up your-"

Bird: "Shhhhh...Sweetie." *Kat starts seething and Bird laughs*

Scene 2

Bird has Kat in room and is trying to find a suit for her and Kat is flopped on the bed in frustrated.

Kat: "Uhhh... Bird why do I have to do this?"

Bird: "Cuz you need to look like a girl at least once a year."

Kat: "I always look like a girl. I AM a girl."

Bird: "But it's hard to tell."

Kat: "..."

Bird: "You'll look adorable in this!"

Kat: "Will it fit?"

Bird: "Well...I am a lot taller..."

Kat: "And I am... never mind. I'll try it on."

Later, Kat comes out wearing the suit.

Bird: "Nice."

Kat: "This thing makes me want to drown myself..."

Bird: "Tough. Now help me pick mine. I wanna look nice."

Kat: "Try this one with this hair pins and these sandals."

Bird: "If you're sure..."

Later bird emerges, shocked at Kat's choices working.

Bird: "How did you do that?!"

Kat: "Sister taught me. Can I take this off yet?"

Bird: "just put a hoodie over it and help me sort out this water day."

Kat: "Fine... I'll get DonLeo and we'll strike a deal for the water guns."

Bird: "With who... I don't wanna know. Nope. Just do it."

Kat: "Yes sir. Seeya!"

Scene 3

Bird finishes preparations and wonders where Kat and Demetri are with the water guns. Scene changes to Kat and Demetri sitting in a dark room facing a Russian who looks shockingly like him.

Russian: "Don, my friend. Long time no see. You have something you want from me?"

Demetri: "Yes, Conrade. We are in need of some... weapons."

Conrade: "With what kind of ammunitions."

Demetri: "Water."

Conrade(shocked):"Do you have any idea how hard those are to get now?"

Demetri: "yes I realise but we need them, its supposed to reach 98*. Its for the greater good."

Conrade: "No! Neit, I cant do it! Niet!"

Demetri: "Perhaps my associate can persuade you. Kat?"

Kat: "Yes, DonLeo. I have it under control you can leave us."

Demetri leaves and the camera focuses on him but the conversation inside is clear.

Conrade: "And how are you going to persuade me little one?"

Kat: "hmm... like this..."

Conrade: "What are you-? Hey no wait-! N-n-n-neit!

Kat: "Dayte *punch* mne *punch* vodyanyye *punch* pushki *punch*"

Kat exits with water guns in arm and Demetri puts an arms over her shoulder and says: "We have such a beautiful friendship."

Scene 4

Bird: "Oh there you are! Where have you guys been?"

Demetri: "Just taking care of some..."

Kat: "Business."

Bird: "Ok... So what do you think Demetri?"

Demetri: "Nice. I'm gunna go fill these up."

Bird: "Kat. He said nice, nice! No "you look hot birdie" no "that colour makes your eyes pop" no-"

Kat: "At least he said you look nice. Stop whining. It's Demetri. He doesn't do compliments like that."

Bird: "I guess you're right but it'd just be nice if some one would tell me for once I look hot..."

Kat: "Bird, you look hot. Now shut up."

Scene 5

Bird, Kat, Demetri and the others spray each other with the guns, then with the hose, then Demetri does a belly flop and everyone chills in the pool and talks.

Demitri: "This was a good idea Bird."

Bird: "Thanks, it was wasn't it. What do you think Kat?"

Kat: "This swimsuit still makes me want to drown myself."

Demetri: "Bad girl. No drowning."

Kat: "Whatever." *Pulls hat down and leans back snoring gently.*

Bird: "Kat I don't think that's very smart."

Demetri: "Just leave her, she'll live. We won't let her drown."

Kat: "You might not be able to save yourselves though!"

Kat splashes both and they all start splashing and laughing.

Fades out and credits roll.


	3. Sparks Fly

Fly

Theme plays then leads to action movie voice-over saying: "In a world... where independence was being celebrated... and fireworks were being shot off... there were three nerds."

Demetri and Bird are talking about how excited they are for the 4th of July and Kat sit silently and watches them

Bird: "Demeeeetriiiiii! You're coming over to the barbeque right, and coming to the fair for the fireworks?"

Demetri: "Yeah, sure. What about you Kat?"

Kat: "What are you talking about?"  
Bird: "We're talking about the Fourth of July BBQ. You're coming too right?"  
Kat: "What's a 'fourth of July'?"  
Bird: "You don't..?! It's Independence Day!"  
Kat: "You mean like the movie?"  
Bird: "No. I mean like the celebration of American independence with good and fireworks. Don't you have that where you're from?"  
Kat: "Our independence came not too long ago and we fell right into civil war. The closest to independence day celebrations is my birthday party."  
Dmitry: "So you've never seen fireworks?"  
Kat: "Well... I have, sorta. I set off a firecracker when I was 12 on new years one time but it lit my shirt on fire and I had to jump in the lake."  
Bird and Dmitry: "That's not surprising Kat."

Scene 2

Kat sits curled up watching bird and Dmitri prepare and asks nervous questions about her role in the event.

Kat: "What do we wear on the fouth of July?"

Bird: "Red, White and Blue!"

Kat: "How do we decorate on the fouth of July?"

Bird: "Red, White and Blue!"

Kat: "What do we eat on the fouth of July? Don't say red white and blue or ill hurt you."

Dmitri: "Meat that's been cooked with fire and fruit, ice cream, and soda."

Kat: "oh, sweet. I'm totally coming."

Bird: "You gotta change into something American though, red, white and blue!"

Kat: "Noooooooooo! No black?!"

Bird: "just for that you have to wear a dress. *Kat tries to interrupt* and you must brush your hair. You'll love it, Kat, c'mon lets go get ready."

Dmitri: "I'll wait here."

Scene 3

Bird and Kat come downstairs in their 4th of July garb for the bbq and Dmitri sniggers.

Kat: "Shut your face hole Elijah."

Dmitri: "I didn't say nuthin."

Kat: "That's a double negative my dear."

Dmitri: "fine. I didn't say anything."

Kat: "you don't have to, I can hear your thoughts screaming at me."

Dmitri: "and what are they saying?"

Kat: "That you want a sammich. And I'm telling you that you..."

Bird: "okay okay break it up. Kat, be nice. You look fine sweetie, and Dmitri, get your own sammich."

Kat: "I was just gunna say 'your sammich is over there in the bag,'"

Dmitri: "Yay! *gets sammich and starts eating it."

Bird: "ugh, lets head on over to the fair now."

Scene 4

The nerd go around the fair, looking around at the stalls and rides and get on the Ferris wheel and do corny fair things silent home-movie style then bird and Dmitri bring Kat to see the fireworks.

Kat: "why are you both holding my hands, you're acting like my parents."

Dmitri: "whatever, you know you need me. I hate it when kids reach their rebellious phase, no respect for their elders, tut tut."

Kat: "I'm four months older than you dummy. And I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself." *fireworks go off and Kat clings to Dmitri and squeaks*

Bird: "Kat are you ok?!" *more fireworks and Kat hides under a bench*

Kat: "Yeah, I'm grand sure. Not scared at all, me. Holy crap those things are really loud."

All laugh and fade out then credits roll


	4. The Dungeon

_** Dungeon**_

_Theme plays then leads to action movie voice-over saying__: _"**In a world... with sandwiches and lemonade... there were three nerds on a mission...wait where's the third nerd?!"**

_Demetri and Bird are eating lunch and discussing things._

Bird: "Demeeeetriiiiii! Where's Kat? She should be here by now."

Demetri: "She was sick last night when I was with her. She's probably still not feeling good."

Bird: "where is she? We should go visit her."

Demetri: "She's in the dungeon most likely."

Bird: "The dungeon? What's that?"

Demetri: "That's where she lives when she's not sleeping in my barn."

Bird: "That's actually not shocking... What's her favourite kinda soup?"

Demetri: "Tomato."

Bird: "Why do you know so much about her? Do you know that much about me?"

Demetri: "No, I just hang out more Kat. No need to be touchy."

Bird: "Whatever. I'll make the soup and you can bring me to the dungeon."

Demetri: "You want me to call her on headset or do you wanna surprise her?

Bird: "Headset, Headset! Kat does not react well to surprises. Remember the time you hugged her from behind and she wasn't expecting it?"

_Flash back:_

_Demetri jumps on Kat from behind and she screams and flips him onto the ground and punches him_

Demetri: "Yes I remember. I'll call her."

**Scene 2**

_Kat stares blankly at a screen and continues blowing things up._

Kat: "Sigh... Le bored..." *coughs*

_Incoming call on screen, Kat pulls mic down and answers, still staring blankly at the screen._

Kat: "Yo, Paul, what's crackin'? ... I meant besides my voice. ... What do you mean 'What's that noise in the background?' Its dubstep and victory, how do you not recognise it? ... oh you're coming over? ... Is she bringing me soup? ... Yes! Seeya then" *cuts off call*

Computer voice: "GAME OVER."

Kat: "Dang it. Are you kidding me?! How did that even happen?! SHUT UP OR IMMA GAME OVER YOUR FACE YOU SON OF A..!"

_**Fake Scene**_

_Kat walks out and looks at the camera then waves bird demitri and some others over. Demetri steps out of frame then comes back with a helmet and starts the Haarlem shake and everyone joins in. Kat walks off then comes back in a skirt and sunglasses and starts Gangnam styling and the others join in then Alex calls from behind the camera and tells Kat to get into her costume for the star trek costume cuz they were leaving soon and everyone looks at Kat like they are going to laugh and she glares making them stop then signs off with "Live long and prosper" and bird and Demetri shrug and walk off to do their next scene._

_**Scene 3**_

_Bird and Demetri arrive in front of a forest._

Bird: "This is it? This is 'the dungeon'?"

Demetri: "Once you get through the trees it's really dark. I know the way but you should probably hold my hand."

Bird: "Ehhh...Kinda awkward..."

Demetri: "Do you wanna trip?"

Bird: "No..."

_Demetri leads Bird through a dark passage opening wrong doors, one that blared music, one with a guitar and one with a severed head to which bird screams._

Bird: "How come you know how to get to Kat's room in the dark?"

Demetri: "Well. I can smell it out, or just listen for explosions but really it's because I've been here enough times."

Bird: "I've never been invited..."

Demetri: "I don't think you'd want to be a part of what we do here."

Bird: "What do you guys do here then..?"

_Demetri opens a door leading to Kat's room where there are two seats set up for long-term gaming labelled "Kat" and "Demetri."_

Bird: "Ahh... I see."

Demetri: "What'd you think we did."

Bird: "Planning mass-murder?"

Kat *not looking up*: "Nah, I do that by myself, and before you freak like I know you will I was kidding." *Spins chair around to face them* "So my dear fellows... I've been expecting you. Did you bring the soup?"

Bird: "Yeah, its right here..."

Kat: "YAY! Hug time! So what's up with you guys?"

_The three talk and Kat eats and screen starts to fade until there is an explosion from the computer and Kat stops and pauses the game then fade continues and credits roll._


	5. Dmitri and the Book of Sketch

**6****_. _****DmitriandtheBookofSketch**

_Theme plays then leads to action movie voice-over saying__: _**"****In a world... where Kat and Dmitri chill... and bird was freaking out... there were three nerds on a mission..."**

_Bird runs to Dmitri and Kat while they watch Indiana Jones._

Bird: "Demeeeetriiiiii! I lost my sketchbook!"

Dmitri and Kat: "So?"

Bird: "That thing is my _life_!"

Dmitri: "ok. I shall find your sketch book. I'll scour the world high and low until we uncover this hidden treasure, you in Kat?"

_Kat walks off then back on in Indie Jones clothes and cracks a whip all serious like._

Kat: "Sure, whatever"

Bird: "Who are you supposed to be?"

Kat: "isn't it obvious? I'm Han Solo."

_Kat and Dmitri walk off on their quest._

Scene two

Dmitri: "Thanks for helping me look for this sketchbook Kat."

Kat: *Nods and grumbles*

Dmitri: "hey maybe its down that hole over there, or maybe in that black cave."

Kat: "Lets look" *both walk over*

Dmitri: "Okay Kat, you go in and see if you can find it."

_Kat shrugs and walks off to investigate, a scream is heard and a _

_monstrous growling, bird appears on screen and walks over to dmitri_

bird: "Did you find it yet Dmitri?"

Dmitri: "We might have, just waiting for Kat to hurry her butt up."

Bird: *hugs Dmitri* You're so brave. Thank you!"

_Kat stumbles out with her hair messed up and dirt on her clothes and falls onto her face in a heap._

Bird and Dmitri: "well..?"

Kat: *reaches up and hands a book to Dmitri who gives the book to bird*

Bird: "oh Dmitri you're so brave! Good job! Thank you, thank you, thank you, um, Kat, are you ok?"

Kat gives a thumbs up and Bird hugs her and she puts her thumb down and stops moving

**Scene 3**

_Bird Kat and Demetri are all chilling out and drawing_

_After a while each turns and reveals their drawing._

Bird: "I drew the Weasley family. What about you Demetri?"

Dmitri: "I drew a half cat half person. Kat?"

Kat: *pauses* "I drew a house with a garden and sunshine, it appears in my dreams every night like an island of light in my sad and lonely heart. Also a stick figure named Mike."

Dmitri: "..."

Bird: "...okay... So Dmitri, thank you for finding my sketchbook, I don't know what I would do without it. What could I ever do to thank you?"

Dmitri: "You could let me look in it."

Bird: "NOOOOOO! Never. No one will ever look in here, I would die of mortification!"

Kat: "Quick, gimme the book and let me look!"

Bird and Dmitri: "Kat..."

Kat: "Ehem, I mean I'm sure your drawings are lovely."

Bird: "It's not just drawings, there are lyrics, poems, drawings, spells and incantations..."

Dmitri: "Whut."

Bird: "Nothing."

Dmitri: "Hey Kat, what was in that cave that attacked you when you went to get the book anyway?"

Kat: "Spiders, spikes, bats, and a giant rock that chased me when I picked up the sketchbook."

Dmitri: "Really?"

Kat: "No, it was a fluffy marshmallow that just so happened to tear people apart and batter them."

Dmitri: "That sounds cool."

Kat: "I WAS BEING SARCASTIC!"

Bird: "It still sounds pretty cool."

Kat: "Can we end this episode yet?"

Dmitri: "I dunno, it wasn't very long *He sees Kat snarling at him* okay."

_End credits roll and scene fades out._


End file.
